"Blaming is so much easier than taking responsibility,
because if you take responsibility … then you might be to blame."
I want you to take a moment and give some thought to the people who surround you, the people who are currently in your life right now. Observe them for a minute. It might be a member of your family, friends, or coworkers, whomever you choose. I want you to observe his or her life, with no attachment and no judgment on your part. Now think about it, these people are clearly a reflection of the choices they have made in their life so far. They are in their current situation because of all of the choices they have made in their lifetime, and those choices have helped to contribute to where they are at today. Some of the choices they have made have most likely been good, and some of them no doubt have been bad, but they all had “choices.” You are also a reflection of the accumulation of choices that you have made throughout your lifetime. The wonderful and most amazing thing about this is that you do indeed have choices. In fact, you have many choices, every single day. The downside is you must also take responsibility for the choices you make; the ones you have made up until this point, and the ones you continue to make, every single day.
Now, you may wonder, “How does this correlate to my own life exactly?” Well, here are some examples. Were you a teen parent? Did you finish high school or go to college? Did you pursue what it is that you love doing most in life? Or did you settle because that’s what everyone else did? Did you marry for love? Did you stay for the kids? These are all choices, and choices that may have very clearly defined your life in some way.
Everyone has issues they need to work through, and even overcome; no one is immune to problems. It doesn't matter who you are, where you work, or if you work, it is something we all have in common as human beings. How we choose to deal with these issues, however, is what sets people apart.
"It's not about if you have chaos in your life,
it's about how well you manage it."
When people are unhappy, they blame many other things. They blame the economy, the government, their health, their spouse or significant other, their parents, their childhood, you name it … there is definitely something beyond their control causing their unhappiness, because they would not be in their current situation by choice! That would be ridiculous! Or would they?
There are some very successful people in the world who will settle for nothing short of success! They work and they plan, they fail and they overcome, but they will succeed. There are also some people who never seem to be able to get it together. They self-sabotage, they are broke, they are unhappy, and they never (they believe) ever seem to be able to catch a break. They will continue to make choices over and over that will match who they believe they are, because your
choices are very much a reflection of your personality.
Take a minute to answer these questions about yourself, truthfully:
1) What do you think other people see when they look at you?
2) Does it reflect your personality?
3) Does it match who you want to be?
4) What choices have you made to contribute to where you are at currently in life?
This is just a series of questions to help you to expand your mind and shift your perspective. You have so many wonderful choices in life; however, many times people do not see it that way. They choose to see it another way, the way in which they have no choice. You can look at it this way if you wish, but it is simply not true; you always have a choice, so own up to the choices you make. Now, some of the choices you have made in life may have been good choices, and some of them may have been bad choices, but that really doesn’t matter anymore ... what matters is NOW!
How to make choices that work for you:
1) You are no longer a victim; you are a choice maker!
Start seeing yourself that way and take responsibility for the choices you are making from here on out. If you want to lose weight, stop eating unhealthy food. If you are unhappy, figure out what choices you are making that are contributing to your unhappiness. There are no excuses here; if you don’t like what’s happening, fix it. If you don’t want to fix it, then don’t complain about it!
2) Make choices that are in alignment with who you are and where you want to see yourself in the future.
This is very important! Stop making choices that are not in alignment with who you are, period! This causes resistance and resentment. It makes you bitter and uncomfortable when you make choices that do not align with who you are, but most people do it anyway. Many times people feel their own discomfort is less important than someone else’s comfort. This is trained behavior, drilled into us at a young age. You are considered “selfish” if you put your own comfort or happiness in front of someone else’s comfort or happiness. Selfishness is ludicrous! “How dare you not help me feel better first!” That seems a bit hypocritical if you ask me. Especially since it is not possible to make other people happy (see spiritual rule #5), if this is being selfish, by all means, be selfish! Of course, I am not talking about completely ignoring the wants and needs of those around us, or causing someone intentional harm. However, you cannot help someone else who is not willing to help themselves. In order to help those who are willing to help themselves effectively, you must be coming from a place of fulfillment and happiness.
3) Own the power of choice!
Take your head out of the sand! It is time to recognize that you, and you alone, have a tremendous amount of power over who you are. No one else holds this power over you, unless of course, you choose to give up this power to him or her. Understand that ultimately you are the final decision maker in your own life. There is no one to blame; you are the CEO in charge!
You can try and figure out how this rule does not apply to you, and you can go about your day feeling sad, depressed, and hopeless. Or you can choose to change what you don’t like. The wonderful thing is, it's your choice!
You are never stuck, unless you are choosing to stay there.
You are never limited, unless you choose to limit yourself.
You are never less than, unless you choose to see yourself this way.
You will never fail, unless you choose failure as an option.
You are powerful beyond belief!
The Pursuit of Happiness:
21 Spiritual Rules of Happiness
Jennifer O’Neill, Spiritual Teacher